Psalm 46- when a verse takes new meaning

 

Psalm 46[a]

1 God is our refuge and strength,
    an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
    and the mountains quake with their surging.[c]

4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
    the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall;
    God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
    he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

7 The Lord Almighty is with us;
    the God of Jacob is our fortress.

8 Come and see what the Lord has done,
    the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease
    to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
    he burns the shields[d] with fire.
10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”

11 The Lord Almighty is with us;
    the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Road to recovery...part 2

Lets take it back to mid year 2003

I meet a college mate - he is selling Old Mutual Life Insurance policies. At that time its only KES 5323 per month for 15yrs and the promise is a good amount on maturity. Sounds like a plan so i take it on. we sign some documents and one step is to see their doctor some place in Upper Hill. She examines me and then asks me about whether I have ever had my thyroid checked..thyroid checked? me...nope..never

She tells me well please have it checked

The start of the life cover is suspended for one year so it starts in 2004 and matured in 2019

Back to my thyroid in 2003 - I go to see a doctor in MP Shah and they do a whole range of tests Xrays, CT Scans, biopsy tests etc..final verdict...yes its had nodules and its euthyroid  - so not over active (hyper) or underactive (hypo) so iko tuu. Monitor it every 3 months for growth - but just manage your stress levels and you will be fine. If you want to remove it, the decision will be purely on aesthetic purposes...am like...remove for cosmetic purposes? nope not me...hehehehehe..large neck it is...

Armed with this....I went on with my life...even got my kids - first one 2006 and second one 2008. Then in late 2011 my arm was feeling tingly all the time...like I have slept on it...no amount of shaking could remove the feeling. Then the pain started! weuhhhh....I was basically reduced to someone who sleeps like am on a seat...I simply could not lie down. Not sure how we landed on Prof Adwoks clinic in Nairobi hospital....but there we were...one early morning...consulting with him. I admired his very clear desk and cryptic responses. Yes the pain could be linked to your thyroid, but no, no guarantees that you will wake up from the surgery and the arm is not paining. weuhhh...what to do?

On Feb 11 2012 (World Day of the Sick) my husband and I sat quietly at the mass for the sick in Our Lady Queen of Peace South B seeking healing to this pain. One morning, Sam was like..you seem to have slept well...no pain? am like...yeahhhhhhh...joy!!! Went back to Prof Adwok and one of the tests to be done before surgery is pregnancy test...good call because guess what? I was expecting Sifa! Prof was like..oh well...we have to postpone all the plans

Sifa was born October 2012 and we named him Raphael (God the healer)

I continued with tests like annually...but nothing major came from that

Then December 2022 rolled in........I had to sleep in a tent in cold Nyeri with my daughter as part of a rite of passage program

Lets just say, once that ONE night was over,  I knew it was time to get the thyroid out!

Road to recovery...part 1

 ambulate

verb

FORMAL•TECHNICAL

1. walk; move about.

So I have been through an experience and learnt of this word for the first time in my life!!

Tuesday Aug 8 we got me checked into hospital by 4pm as instructed. 

A brown Nil by Mouth sign hang on my room door by midnight that night signaling the start of the process. Troops of well dressed with warm wide smiles nurses had by this time walked in and out of my hospital room introducing themselves as the care team. The aesthetician, a sullen looking man in a sharp suit came in with a nurse in tow and spoke of what he would do and asked the nurse to remind me that I will need at least 2 blood donors by 8am next morning. She rapidly gave list of requirements for blood donation - must say she sounded a bit condescending by repeating the word "viable blood donor" all the time (i wondered why i was not told of this earlier.....)

The night was quiet

I could not even bring myself to journal

6am on Wednesday Aug 9 a nurse walked in...and i immediately woke up... and told me Hilda, time for a shower and dress into the gown i gave you. am like ok. 

It is T I M E...simply no turning back. I was not scared or maybe didn't wanna overthink it so much. I got an update that the ones donating blood had arrived (thanks much!!)

a bed was wheeled in and I was told to hop onto it after removing my wedding ring and confirming that i have no other rings or metallic fillings on my body. 

I lay on my back on the fresh bed and 8am we started the ride through the corridors to the theatre. The lights on the ceiling were passing by pretty fast (like in the movies I tell you!) and the song/ verse in my head was Be Still And Know That I am LORD!!!! My husband was following close behind and was told at some point he cant proceed. I was wheeled to a place that looked like a corridor and nurse asked me to confirm my name as she looked at the name tag on my left hand. A guy in green walked up and started asking me a bunch of questions...where am from, what I do etc basically making conversation and I knew he was the one assigned to distract me so that I could calm down. I was then wheeled in and moved to another bed - it felt colder. The massive light was above me and i scanned the room....looked quite big and mostly white.. the anesthetist (now in theatre gear) came up and took my hand, tapping it so that he can make the line for the anesthesia to pass. At this point the the nurse in green was holding a massive oxygen mask over my head asking me to breath in deeply - I said a prayer (I think...)

next, I see my husband at a distance and I hear him ask... my nyako? and i pass out again..that was 6 hours later

I see my sister, my mum, my other sister, my nephew...so many people...they seem to be coming in one by one...turns out i was in HDU and only limited number of people are allowed at a time. someone tells me the time...its around 5pm...end of day

my thyroid has been removed...and i was not ambulate

to be continued

...part 1

Italy! I will be back.......

So I went to Italy

--I almost didn't go

Loved loved loved it

The churches are so magnificent 

I was in awe all the time

Italy - I will be back!

Pause!

I am becoming too forgetful

its worrisome

yesterday i put on my headphones on in readiness for a meeting

i was 15min early

decided to listen to a podcast as i wait

.

.

.

One hour later....

I missed the meeting!!!!!

meno-pause knocking

i need to look for something to boost my memory

...goes to search on google...

...wait what was I looking for here again

...hehehehehe

Breathe in!!

 What a week!

No, what a month!!

Been having a crazy time at work

Everything was due YESTERDAY

ai ai

Needed a break

Walking through nature always has a calming effect

I needed that

Beautiful day in Kirinyaga

Letter to 18 yr old self!

 2022

Letter to 18 year old Hilda

Its 1992...you have just turned 18 in September and soon after sat for KCSE

Limuru Girls (Chox) has been good to you

You left Chox a more confident young lady than the bewildered one who entered the brown gates 4 years earlier from Mukumu

The future is not certain - but for some reason, you are not scared of it at all

Results come out and soon, you are off to Moi University

You settle in well in Moi and make great friends - but are extremely cautious because of the near horror stories that your sister gives from Maseno university. In your eyes, Trust No One!!

1998 rolls in and you graduate and go into the Big Big World...thrust into women's rights agenda unexpectedly and this defines who you become...a crusader for the rights of girls and women.

Some things you now know for sure

 - be kind to others...you don't know what people are going through

 - value friendships - make time for them

 - its never that serious

 - no matter what happens, the day has to end, and a new day starts 

 - celebrate the way you want and what matters to you :) 

and just like that its 2022 and you are seating here in Nairobi on a Wednesday evening with 9 friends from Chox

See God!

Onto another 30years....

In Fide Vade (In Faith We Go)